1/13/16 NHL Picks

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Work smarter not harder.

  • Last night I tested the Anton Forsberg vs Thomas Greiss theory. Aka when two water bottle caddies get the start in net take the fucking over. This time I legitimately have no clue who Joonas Korpisalo is. Haven’t even heard his name before. Well he’s getting the nod for a team that was absolutely piss pumped by the “Brooklyn” Islanders last night. I hate to over use the word lock but this is it.
  • Florida is not going to lose twice in a row. I’ll admit I was late to the Florida party. Once their win streak got to 6 I figured it would last about as long as Kenny Powers gazing at April’s big beautiful breasts. I bet against them every game after win #6, and proceeded to get ass pounded for the next 6 games until Vancouver took care of business last night. This team is for real, and Jagr is drinking from the fountain of youth (teenage pussy). This guy is in his mid 40’s but he thinks he’s still in juniors. Oh and it helps that Jonas Hiller is getting the nod tonight. This shit weasel is averaging 3.76 goals a game. If Hiller plays true to form he should easily let in 3 to 4 goals.
  • Andersen vs Anderson. I’ll admit this game is sketchy. Both tendys are decent but they can have their moments. Both teams have some firepower and can put the puck in the net. My gut tells me this game will be high scoring but there are no guarantees.  I love empty net goals and this one feels like a freebie will be necessary to reach the over. Proceed with caution.

 

 

 

 

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1/12/16 NHL Picks Results

So last night I edited my blog post because I had a handful of grammatical errors and I didn’t want to look like an idiot. Thus my post shows as being posted on 1/13. I was being genuine and honest with my picks as I did create the write up half way through the games. So here is my proof….

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@Stuckey2 flopped last night

Parlay #1 Results:

  • St. Louis Blues (-200)-Win
  • Minnesota Wild (-225)-Loss
  • Pittsburgh Penguins (-130)-Loss
  • Nashville (+135)-Loss

Parlay #2 Results:

See above

Summary

@Stuckey2 picks won’t count on my overall record. That wasn’t my shit. Sometimes it’s best to just go with your heart unless I tell you to take my picks. I am an oracle. @Stuckey2 has since been unfollowed and deemed as just another moron.

Bate Break’s Overall Record: 3-0

There is not much difference between Bate Break and Cam Newton. We both tend to win and we are both cocky. The only difference is when he Dab’s after a big win it isn’t with a bong. Oh and for the moment Bate Break is still undefeated.

 

 

 

1/12/16 NHL Parlays

Bate Break is dedicated to making our viewers massive amounts of money. Get on the money bus. It’s not worth betting if you don’t win big.

Parlay #1

  • St. Louis Blues (-200)
  • Minnesota Wild (-225)
  • Pittsburgh Penguins (-130)
  • Nashville Predators (+135)
Recently while taking a break from bating I ran across a fairly valuable twitter follow. @Stucky2  is the self proclaimed, “Official King of Degenerate Nation & Prime Minister of Team No Sleep”. While I tend to get my 8 hours each night I could give him a run for his money as the King of Degenerate Nation. Last weekend I was cut off at a bar/hair saloon/gas station somewhere in Nebraska. That is neither here nor there, but I am not in love with Stuckey’s picks. I am in love with his recent track record. He’s been killing it the last couple weeks and has been putting out free picks on twitter. I decided to throw down $5 to test his luck.
Parlay #2
  • New Jersey Devils @ St. Louis Blues Over 4.5 (-135)

I don’t like to make conflicting bets because that is about as sensible as wiping before you poop, so I decided to work on the over/under. Maybe I am missing something here but a man named Keith Kinkaid is starting in net for the Devils. First off who the fuck is Keith Kinkaid? Oh and Brian Elliot is Brain Elliot. Rarely do I see an O/U at 4.5 and it is probably a trap created by some Vegas rain man-esque number cruncher, but I had to jump on this one solely because the O/U is so low. As I type this the score is 0-0 going into the 2nd period, but I am confident once it rains it will pour.

  • Pittsburgh Penguins @ Carolina Hurricanes Over 5.0 (EVEN)

I like the Canes of late and Pittsburgh is sloppy. The Penguins fired their coach and are in disarray. The penguins still have superstars who are able to put the puck in the net and they like to find a way to meltdown. I think well see a fair amount of goals here. Vegas has a little too big of a chub for Ward/Fluery and they overestimate their ability to keep the puck out of the net. As I was typing this the Penguins scored their first goal to make it a 2-1 game in the second period. So we are almost there already.

  • Columbus Blue Jackets @ New York Islanders Over 5.5 (EVEN)
Anton Forsberg vs. Thomas Griess. At this point bookmakers are just getting lazy. Did no one want to push the line to 6 or 6.5? This is value if I have ever seen it. We have a 2-2 score in the second as I type.
Summary
This is the inaugural post from Bate Break, and this all began while contemplating ways to make money as I was taking a dump. Results of all picks will be posted the following day. If (when) I kill it then keep coming back for more. I am going to push my blog via Twitter (@BateBreak) so if (when) you like please spread the word. Degenerate shit is my passion and I really hope for this to take off. Bate Break strives to combine solid picks with cheeky one liners for the entertainment of all.  A simple break between JO sessions will make you so much money you will cum.